


Who You Are

by Amonet



Series: Stony Ficlets [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 17:09:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16814908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amonet/pseuds/Amonet
Summary: "Wakanda was pretty, but it wasn’t New York. There had been a quiet comfort in that, at least at first. It hadn’t lasted long."





	Who You Are

Wakanda was pretty, but it wasn’t New York. There had been a quiet comfort in that, at least at first. It hadn’t lasted long. 

Wakanda was everything New York wasn’t. It was quiet and beautiful, mystic and strange. It was unfamiliar and new and it should have been exciting, the knowledge that he could explore this land, use its resources and build a new team. It had taken him just a week to realise that he didn’t want a new team. That, in fact, he would never start a new team – that he couldn’t. They weren’t whole and they would never be again and he couldn’t change that. He had made his decisions and if this decision wasn’t the same that Tony had made, well… that was unfortunate. ‘If he’d really love you, he’d be by your side right now,’ Sam had said, but Steve wasn’t sure if he didn’t have it the wrong way around. That maybe this time Steve should have just given in. Tony was wrong, of course, he was, but he had also been very careful to never ask anything of Steve. And when he had asked, Steve had refused to even think about it. The Accords had never been a good idea, but there wasn’t much Steve wouldn’t have done for Tony if he’d just given Steve a reason to believe in him. Instead, Tony had run away and done things his own way, like he always did. 

It was probably fair, he hadn’t exactly been honest with Tony either. And it wasn’t like they’d had a long and joyous relationship, they had fucked twice, in a broom closet. Not exactly how big romances start. And Steve had always thought that it was for the best. Tony was in love with him and Steve – Steve wasn’t gay. Tony was his best friend, and occasionally that best friend had sucked his cock. That didn’t make Steve gay. That didn’t mean that Steve wanted to kiss Tony or sleep in the same bed as him or draw silly doodles of the armour on napkins. Steve had been lonely and Tony had been available and willing, desperate to satisfy Steve and without expectations of reciprocation. He had let Steve hold him down, fuck his mouth until he chocked and his ass until the lube had dried and there had never been more than that. No whispered ‘I love you’, no kisses, no gentle touches. Tony had tried, at first, to kiss him, to touch him and hold him, but Steve had stopped it. He didn’t want an illusion. Tony wasn’t a woman, he wasn’t soft and pretty, no full breasts, no wetness in his hole. Tony was all hard lines and sharp edges, strong muscles and power. Only his stomach had been soft, from age and too little training. His thighs were thick too, receptive to touch and his legs had been shaved both times. He bruised so easily that Steve didn’t even need to be rough to mark Tony as his. Soft skin, begging to be touched, to be massaged by Steve’s big hands. 

Sometimes Steve had felt sorry for Tony, but Tony had known what he was getting himself into. Steve wasn’t gay and Tony had known that from the beginning. Steve wasn’t queer. He wasn’t. Even if he were, it wouldn’t matter now. He was here, in Wakanda, and he had left Tony behind. Anything that could have been was long dead.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this, talk to me on tumblr or send me a prompt! I'm [Amonet-writes](https://amonet-writes.tumblr.com) over there!


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